Issue #60

[mistconduct]

[Locked from Cassel]


So say you're planning a trip to meet your boyfriend's family.

And said boyfriend's mom is complete and total psychopath who can fuck with your mind if she touches you.

And you think maybe you should actually try to get along with these complete strangers because maybe, someday in the far, far off future you might actually see yourself getting together with this fucking idiot with stupid hair.


What kind of gift do you bring?

Comments

[routemistress]

Booze. I can find you summat really exotic if you like. Guaranteed to impress.

...and possibly one with psychic inhibition properties? Can't promise that, though, I don't know enough about 'ow that kind of working actually works.

[mistconduct]

I mean, how impressed is she going to be when her son can make anything she wants?

...How pissed would Cassel be if I drugged his mom?

[whatthefoxsay]

[Cheerfully,]

I find that few ladies will say no to high quality chocolate! Especially if you can find out what her particular favorite is.

[mistconduct]

From the shit I hear from other people? Probably dark and bitter.

Like her mood, hey-o.

...I guess I can't burn on someone I've never met before.

[theresalwayshope]

You really can't go wrong with the usual high quality host/hostess gifts: bottle of wine, box of chocolates...a dessert, if you're specifically going to dinner.

I know a wonderful recipe for macarons if you want it!

[mistconduct]

...Possibly..

See, I don't just want to charm her; she needs to love me. I need to be like an adorable puppy to her. Harmless and dumb and adorable.

This way, she doesn't murder Cassel and me.

[semifreakingnormal]

Definitely bring Campari.

[mistconduct]

This sounds like the voice of experience.

You getting into your dad's liquor cabinet, Scotty?

[megamind]

I'm going to have to think about this and Eddie's daughter at some point, so... yeah.

Man. Good luck. Talk about human rituals I got zero clue on.

[mistconduct]

Yeah, but Eddie's daughter probably doesn't have the power to stop you and Eddie from being attracted to each other.

She's not even fucking human! Not the way I hear how she acts.

[robinwishes]

Bring a fucking video camera because I want to see how badly this goes for you when you get back.

[mistconduct]

It's going to be a fucking train wreck, so I'm really fucking happy someone gets amusement out of this, thanks. You're being super amazingly supportive.

[voluntaryapnea]

[Well that all...sounds mildly terrifying, Chris. Good luck with that.]

...flowers? Unless she's allergic. That'd be bad.

[mistconduct]

What kind of flowers? What did you bring Scotty-dog's mom?

[walkingmeltdown]

Uh oh. [Yeah, he actually said that out loud. Deadpan, but even still.]

First impression for this sort of thing is crucial.

But I don't particularly know of your beau all that well, so I'm going to need a little more information. What's his background like? What does his family do? Are you going to simply be stopping by to meet them, or is this for an actual meal together, or some other kind of event?

[mistconduct]

Don't call him that. What are you, Southern?

His family is what my family is. We're all mob-connected and we're dealers. I think.

And I was thinking...dinner. Preferably in a public place where she can't get me.

Filter

[fireincarnate]

...Scott brought my mom her favourite candy. But, you know, he needed to ask me what that was. [POINTED EXPRESSION.]

Filter

[mistconduct]

Scott is too goody-two-shoes. This is the mob we're talking about.

[sssiiiiirrrrr]

If I were you I would buy her a fine bottle of sherry, but pay more mind to buying Cassel a valuable and thoughtful gift that you could give to him in front of her. Something that would show her how happy you make him, and that you will be able to support him financially.

Any mother would be moved, at least a little, by the knowledge that her child will be provided for.

[mistconduct]

Really? You don't think that's weird, giving him presents in front of his mom?

Also I'm not even sure if she cares if he's happy or not.

[notsoneedy]

Are you really planning on a trip to meet Cassel's family, or is this just you spitballing?

[mistconduct]

I'm really planning it, Needy. But I'm not going to go if you need him here.

[queenofcharming]

Well, I really hope your boyfriend's mother doesn't touch you, because that's certainly one way to get an awkward relationship with an in-law started.

I'm sure everyone says wine or some shit, but chocolate works. Also might make the bitch fat, so that's a nice touch. [Smirk. No pun intended.]

[mistconduct]

...Okay, you. I really, really like you.

Especially now that I'm sober.

[darknessb4me]

Don't.

[mistconduct]

Okay. I'll bite. What does Arthas, Queen of the Damned, do when he's invited to his significant other's castle?

[termofendearment]

Why you gotta get along with them? Shit, my ex's family fucking hated me.

[HI CHRIS your troll is back.

But hey, it's a serious question.]

[mistconduct]

Oh, for fuck's sake. Go away.

And I have to get along with them because they all have magic powers that can totally brainwash me.