Issue #60

[mistconduct]

[Locked from Cassel]


So say you're planning a trip to meet your boyfriend's family.

And said boyfriend's mom is complete and total psychopath who can fuck with your mind if she touches you.

And you think maybe you should actually try to get along with these complete strangers because maybe, someday in the far, far off future you might actually see yourself getting together with this fucking idiot with stupid hair.


What kind of gift do you bring?

Comments

[notsoneedy]

Are you really planning on a trip to meet Cassel's family, or is this just you spitballing?

[mistconduct]

I'm really planning it, Needy. But I'm not going to go if you need him here.

[notsoneedy]

I don't -- it's true, I don't want him to leave. I don't think there are any other wardens that would work so well at dealing with my shit like he has.

But honestly I think I'm just more surprised at either of you planning to leave. I thought it sounded like Cassel basically considered this home, from what he's said to me, and you...you kind of seem like someone who's going to be here forever.

[mistconduct]

Look, I'm just planning a short vacation on the off chance that I end up proposing to this asshole at some point. This place is my home too.

I wanna wait until shit calms down here, first. And I don't want to be away from Slevin any more than he wants to be away from you. So maybe like a weekend during Christmas or something.

[notsoneedy]

...Oh my god, are you really going to fucking propose to him?!






Seriously? Seriously? Have you got a ring picked out? What are you going to say?

[mistconduct]

Shut the hell up, Needy!

No! No, I don't have anything picked out. God. No.

And this is like. A million years in the future!

It's just that when all the communicators started fucking up, Cassel's brother's boyfriend contacted me about this shit and I hadn't had a chance to talk about it until now!

[notsoneedy]

You should propose to him at my birthday party this weekend. It'll be great. I'll make sure there's a good time for it, so everybody's watching.

[mistconduct]

I'm not proposing to Cassel! God!

[notsoneedy]

Fine, whatever. You'll regret later that you didn't take me up on this. Just you watch.

[mistconduct]

Christ. The whole goddamn ship would know before him. No. Go propose to him yourself if you want to so badly.

[notsoneedy]

What do you think would happen if I did?

[mistconduct]

He'd blush and mumble about warden-inmate bonds but secretly be super turned on about it.

[notsoneedy]

Yeah, but he's not into me the way he's into you. He...really cares about you. It'd be more than just a turn-on, coming from you.

[mistconduct]

And I really care about him and all that shit.

It helps that I'm extremely good-looking.

[notsoneedy]

Yeah, right. One of you is dating up, and it's not him.

[mistconduct]

Wow, Needy. Wow. Come in and rain on my parade, why don't you.

[notsoneedy]

Somebody has to. Your ego is way out of control enough as it is.

[mistconduct]

Excuse you. My ego is the perfect size.

[notsoneedy]

Chris. Haven't you heard?

It's not the size.

It's what you do with it.

[mistconduct]

Wow, Needy. Wow.

You are way super interested in my dick.

[notsoneedy]

Yeah. Interested in it the same way I'm interested in how that one guy paints stuff on the heads of pins. It's fascinating, in like a super duper freaky way. And how do they get it so small?

[mistconduct]

I swear to god I'm going to punch you in the ovaries one of these days.

[notsoneedy]

I think I'm having flashbacks to the first time you and I talked.

[mistconduct]

Admit it. I turned the charm on.

[notsoneedy]

The first time we talked? I don't fucking think so.