Issue #60

[mistconduct]

[Locked from Cassel]


So say you're planning a trip to meet your boyfriend's family.

And said boyfriend's mom is complete and total psychopath who can fuck with your mind if she touches you.

And you think maybe you should actually try to get along with these complete strangers because maybe, someday in the far, far off future you might actually see yourself getting together with this fucking idiot with stupid hair.


What kind of gift do you bring?

Comments

[mistconduct]

Yeah, why?

[andyougoleft]

All the time. You're always obnoxious, even when you're other things too. Like scared or angry or happy.

[mistconduct]

So I make him miserable. That's what you're saying?

[andyougoleft]

No. Try to keep up.

He doesn't make you obnoxious. You don't make him miserable. No one makes me a dick. It just is.

Everything else happens around that and doesn't mean any less because of it, but that's the base line.

[mistconduct]

People can change.

[andyougoleft]

Are you sulking at me right now?

[mistconduct]

Fuck you, I'm not. I'm just saying that he's not always going to be miserable.

[andyougoleft]

You are. You're totally sulking.

[mistconduct]

Don't be such a shitbag, Slevin.

[andyougoleft]

Stop being lazy, if it were that easy I'd be gone already.

Listen to the words coming out of my mouth: it's not a terrible thing.

[mistconduct]

How is him being miserable not a terrible thing?

[andyougoleft]

Because it's familiar.

Okay, like, look. You know how floods freak everyone out?

[mistconduct]

Kind of. Yeah.

[andyougoleft]

Even when the things they change make us better than what we would normally be. Happier. Everyone freaks out at least a little because it's not what we're used to.

Everyone feels a little better when we get back to who we expect to be.

[mistconduct]

That's stupid. We should be happy we're happy.

[andyougoleft]

Am I wrong?

[mistconduct]

You're being a real downer.

[andyougoleft]

You are not even remotely paying attention.

[mistconduct]

I am too! It just feels like this conversation is taking three fucking months to happen.

God. Okay, fine. We like being miserable because we like what we're used to.

But that's bullshit. We can change. That's what this place does to you.

[andyougoleft]

I didn't say we can't change. And no, we don't like being miserable - we like what we're used to.

I like being pissed off. You like being obnoxious. Cassel likes being miserable.

It's default. When we're pushed, that's what we revert to. Not good, not bad, just a fact.

[mistconduct]

So you're calling my boyfriend a sulky toddler.

[andyougoleft]

I mean, am I wrong?

[mistconduct]

...No, but I wish you didn't go in for painful accuracy.

[andyougoleft]

I'm a professional assassin. Painful accuracy is all I do, and not just literally.

[mistconduct]

Do they teach you how to target people's feelings in assassin school?