Issue #54 [Video]

[mistconduct]

[Day 1 and 2]

[Chis has been stuck on level 6 for the past couple of hours. He did great getting through the bottom two levels, but soon as his feet hit the spinning floor, he was down for the count. Now, every so often he tries to pick himself up, only to fall back down.

He's covered in bruises and slowly spinning in a circle, looking completely green, when he bothers to call in]

Can someone please come get me?

Jesus fucking christ this is embarrassing. Taken out by the goddamn Les Miserables set piece.

Hang on-

[The video cuts, just in time to catch Chris mid-hurl]

Comments

[americasdirtiest]

Jesus Christ. How long you been on that dumbass thing?

[mistconduct]

Shut up, New Meat!

[blaaaargh]


Look, I have really shitty...coordination, all right?!

Don't judge me.

cw: misogynistic language

[americasdirtiest]

Uh, yeah, apparently so. [He judges.]

Why don't you just throw yourself down the prison slide or whatever the fuck is in the hallway? Do not pass Go, do not toss your cookies like a little bitch on a merry-go-round.

cw: misogynistic language + immaturity

[mistconduct]

You're the little bitch. Shut up.

I can't get to the slide, I keep telling you! For fuck's sake, you're such a smug asshole. I hate you already.

cw: more of the same

[americasdirtiest]

I'm the little bitch who's been sitting pretty down here while your ass gets beaten up by the spinning teacup ride?

[He's not even going to deny being a smug asshole. He's proud of that.]

[mistconduct]

Exactly. You're a stupid smug bitch and god, why am I even talking to you?! Go away.

God, I hate this whole fucking week.

[americasdirtiest]

'Cause you got nothing to do but cry about being stuck on a giant lazy susan, apparently.

[mistconduct]

[Furious, Chris begins to get back to his feet]

You ugly son of a-

[The floor juts out from under him again, and he doesn't have the balancing precision on his new legs that he used to. He falls on his ass for probably the seventh time that hour]

[americasdirtiest]

[Mickey lets out an ugly laugh and flips off the camera. This is the most entertained he's been since this whole stupid thing began!

Well, this and that guy who promised to get him a piranha.]

cw; ableist slurs

[mistconduct]

[With his face getting redder, Chris double-flips off the camera, shrieking at it]

It's not fucking funny, you buck-toothed retard! God, can someone take this asshole's communicator away from him before I murder him with my thoughts?!

cw: more misogynistic language

[americasdirtiest]

Looks like you got bigger things to worry about than me, bitch! Try learning how to levitate first.

cw; discussion of eye gore (not Young Frankenstein version)

[mistconduct]

Go to hell! Go to hell and get stabbed multiple times in your eyesockets!

[americasdirtiest]

Is there a way to record this shit?

[robinwishes]

Sit tight, shit for brains.

[ Hit Girl is on it. No, really. ]

[mistconduct]

No.

No, fuck off, we are in a truce and fuck off!

[robinwishes]

We are. So sit tight, Motherfucker.

[ Because she's already in motion. Won't be stopped, can't be tamed. ]

[mistconduct]

[Chris gives a groan, dropping his forehead to the floor. Nothing to do but wait and occasionally vomit]

[robinwishes]

[ Mindy on the other hand, has to get there from level seven. She slogs past things, climbs up the stairwell, and gets on level six... and regrets it. Fucking thing spins! But she did some high-impact workouts, and knew how to hold her gorge. ]

[ Beside, she was fasting. Not eating anything that didn't come from her stash in her room. Nothing to puke but bile. ]

D'amico!

[mistconduct]

[Chris keeps trying to make his way to a wall to use it in order to stand up, but each time his hand catches it, he's pulled away from his balancing point. He flinches at the sound of his name]

Fuck off!

[robinwishes]

Quit being an enormous pussy!

[ Oh god this sucks. Keeping her balance and footing is a bitch. ]

[mistconduct]

No!

[And now he's inching back away from Hit-Girl, but the spinning keeps leading him closer]

Go back to the stupid piranhas!

[robinwishes]

Hey, superturd... I'm trying to help you you fucking ingrate.

[ And getting knocked around. ]

[mistconduct]

Bullshit! You're here to strangle me and dump my body somewhere funny!

[finally, Chris manages to stand, wobbling back and forth. He flashes both middle fingers at Hit-Girl from across the room]

[robinwishes]

Because that'll totally help Slevin, won't it? Jesus fucking Christ, give me some credit, you turdburgler!

[ Certainly, this is totally the best conversation to have while trying not to hurl. ]

[mistconduct]

Didn't stop you last time, did it?! Piss off, get out of here! Jesus!

[He falls down again, forced to take a knee. He gives a groan, covering his mouth with one hand, the other used to prop himself back up]