Issue #54 [Video]

[mistconduct]

[Day 1 and 2]

[Chis has been stuck on level 6 for the past couple of hours. He did great getting through the bottom two levels, but soon as his feet hit the spinning floor, he was down for the count. Now, every so often he tries to pick himself up, only to fall back down.

He's covered in bruises and slowly spinning in a circle, looking completely green, when he bothers to call in]

Can someone please come get me?

Jesus fucking christ this is embarrassing. Taken out by the goddamn Les Miserables set piece.

Hang on-

[The video cuts, just in time to catch Chris mid-hurl]

Comments

[andyougoleft]

Okay for one, I'm slightly offended that you think I'd end up in Zero.

For two, I'm not going to kick his ass for you. You'll thank me when you're calmer. I accept Inmate of the Year awards.

[mistconduct]

Be offended all the fuck you want! Just tell me where you are and find out where this guy lives and kick his ass for me!

Fucking christ you're the worst fucking inmate ever. Everyone else's inmate murders people with no problem! You're the only guy I know who is so fucking bad at being an inmate that he literally gave up murdering people because he knew it would piss off his warden who keeps finding people who deserve killing!

[He may actually send himself into a coronary attack]

[andyougoleft]

I'm on the deck, and I know who he is and where he lives. He's about as subtle as you are, only with less flare for the dramatic.

I'm going to let all that slide because I'm such a nice guy, and ask instead of you still want me to waste my time beating up other wardens, or if you'd prefer I come get you.

[mistconduct]

You mean less awesome.

He's not a warden! He can't be. God. You're so dumb. So fucking dumb.




...please come get me. I'm really sick and lonely.

[andyougoleft]

Alright, give me a bit to figure a way past level two.

Where are the dogs?

[mistconduct]

Locked in my room last time I checked. I filled up my bathtub with water but they're probably peeing everywhere.

Oh god my poor dogs.

[andyougoleft]

One thing at a time. I have some shit to get through to get to you, but try not to puke on yourself before I do.

[mistconduct]

Don't come if you think you're not going to make it.

[andyougoleft]

Please, I'm amazing. I'll make it.

[mistconduct]

Yeah. Heard that one before.

[Aup, wait, more hurling]

[andyougoleft]

Gross. I am not saving your ass if you keep doing that.

[mistconduct]

It's not a voluntary action, Slevin!

[andyougoleft]

Make it one, Chris!

[mistconduct]

Asshole.

[andyougoleft]

What, like you would be running towards a shirt full of puke stains if we were somehow reversed?

[mistconduct]

I totally would if it were you, shithead!

Ow. Ow, yelling doesn't help. Ow.

[andyougoleft]

Not quietly you wouldn't.

Are you completely incapable of being still for five minutes?

[mistconduct]

I can be still!

Just come get me.

[andyougoleft]

The hell do you think I'm doing?

[mistconduct]

Dicking around being a dick!

[andyougoleft]

You can't use the word you're defining in the definition!

[mistconduct]

I'm your warden! I can do whatever the fuck I want!

[andyougoleft]

That has literally never been true.

[mistconduct]

Shut up. Don't contradict your warden.

[andyougoleft]

And that has literally never worked.