Issue #29

[mistconduct]

Sup, Barge assholes. I'm back.

It's been like a whole fucking year, so I'm not going to bore you with the immense amount of crap that went down in my world because oh, hey, come up to the infirmary and take a look. Everyone and their mom already has.

Speaking of moms, I have an issue of rebranding to announce. Red Mist is dead. Henceforce I am no longer Chris D'Amico, but wish instead to be addressed by my super name, The Motherfucker. It's going to be a while before I'm back in the costume but regardless of that, I want you all to call me The Motherfucker. It grows on you.

And speaking of that, informal poll time, fucking yes it's that time again!

On a scale of 1 to 5, Chris' new goatee is;
-Awesome.
-REALLY fucking awesome.
-Sculpted like Michaelangelo's David.
-Way better than Tony Stark's
-I haven't seen it; every time I turn to observe I'm blinded by the awesome.

Comments

[versusnurture]

The Motherfucker.

[mistconduct]

FINALLY. Someone gets it!

[versusnurture]

You want to go by . . . the Motherfucker.

[mistconduct]

Yes! God! What's so hard to understand about that?!

[versusnurture]

Try "Oedipal Man".

[mistconduct]

Abby, get your head out of the gutter, that's gross.

[versusnurture]

You know, it kind of is? That's kind of the point. Grotesque tragedy.

Like your choice of name.

[mistconduct]

I'm trying to invoke a theme here, back off.

[versusnurture]

You open a public forum, you need to be prepared for public opinion, Motherfucker.

[mistconduct]

You know, I'd argue with you, but you're the first one to respect what I want to be called so I'm going to let you off the hook.

[versusnurture]

Don't ever call me Abby again.

[mistconduct]

What about Abby-Normal?

[versusnurture]

My name is Abigail.

[mistconduct]

You ever see that movie? Young Frankenstein? Great movie.

[versusnurture]

Whatever you say, Red Mist.

[mistconduct]

Okay, okay, Abigail, god. Sorry.

[versusnurture]

Thank you.

Sorry about your mom.

[mistconduct]

Thanks. She, uh. Died doing what she loved, I guess.

[versusnurture]

Which makes it way better.

[mistconduct]

No, it, uh. Kind of sucks, actually. Orphaned and shit, now.

[versusnurture]

My mom's first birthday since she died came right before I died. It was one of the worst days of my life. I know that's the opposite of what people are supposed to tell you, but it blows.

[mistconduct]

That's fucked. I'm sorry.

I mean, I was way closer to my dad. He died a little less than two years ago...or maybe a year ago, the way the Barge works. But it's my mom, y'know?

[versusnurture]

She's still important.

My dad's dead too.

[mistconduct]

Sorry.

Fuck. We should start an orphan club. Is that stupid?

[versusnurture]

Like a support group?