Issue #72

[mistconduct]

[Chris, newly healed, is standing outside the Enclosure. He's looking characteristically excited, eyes gleaming]

Okay. Okay, just go with me on this.

What if this....

[He jerks his thumb back at the Enclosure's door]


....plus this?


[He brings a large box into view, holding it up in both hands.

It's Jumanji - the board game.]


Ten minutes. Get your shit and let's go.

That includes you, Omar.

Comments

[barewicked]

I can't believe I'm asking this, but that is just a piece of movie memorabilia, yeah?

[mistconduct]

Well, sure, for right now it is.

Take it into the room behind me, though, and you'll find out just how real this shit can get.

[barewicked]

I feel, in my heart, like maybe that's bullshit?

[BUT HE IS KIND OF CURIOUS THO]

Why does it only work in the room behind you?

[mistconduct]

You've never been in the Enclosure before? It makes shit real.

Sorry, you get them both, to increase my chances of one of them going along with this fantastic idea

[sssiiiiirrrrr]

[A long, ponderous look.]

Forgive me, perhaps this should be obvious, but what does that box contain?

I will happily take both!

[mistconduct]

It's Jumanji, dude.

Jumanji. A game for those who seek to find a way to leave their world behind.

I FEEL LIKE ONE OF THEM WILL BE TOO SMART TO DO IT, but WHICH?

[sssiiiiirrrrr]

We are riding a flying prison through the stars, Chris, how much further do you seek to leave your world behind?

[Pause. He does like games though.]

How do you play it?

Chris preys on ignorance. Run, Horatio!

[mistconduct]

[Chris flips the box over, reading the instructions on the back]

For two to four players, youngest player goes first. You roll the dice and move your token along the board. Doubles gets another turn. First to the center of the board wins - you must land exactly on board's center and call out Jumanji! in order to win.

[fridgetothefire]

[She is waiting by the door. It might have been ten minutes. It might not. She is waiting, crouched, very still.]

[mistconduct]

[Chris, having successfully convinced Horatio to join, turns towards the door from around the corner, comically unaware, the board game stuffed under one arm]

[fridgetothefire]

[She's ready. By some sinister or serendipitous twist of madness, she is so ready. She has a helmet and a machete and everything. She leaps into his path.]

You. What are you.

Why.

[She doesn't understand what's happening but she knows Chris is doing something stupid. She just knows.]

[mistconduct]

[Chris jumps about a mile, staring back at Anya]

Anya, what the fuck? Why do you have a goddamn sword?

[semifreakingnormal]

Oh my God.

No.

No way.

Where did you even - are you insane?

[mistconduct]

Shut up, Scotty! This is the best idea.

[semifreakingnormal]

Haven't you seen the movie?

[mistconduct]

Where the fuck do you think I got the idea from?!

[tucky]

What? Why do you wanna do that?

[mistconduct]

Because it would be fucking awesome.

[tucky]

Y'all wanna die in weird ways after that stuff that just happened?

[takeyouapart]

Why does everyone think this is going to be a terrible idea?

[sir if this is literally the first thing you're doing with your renewed ability to talk]

[mistconduct]

It's gonna be a great idea. Don't listen to anyone else.

[takeyouapart]

That's not really an answer.

[wegotarunner]

What's Jumanji?

[mistconduct]

God! Do you live under a rock?

[wegotarunner]

Not currently.

[His voice is dry.]