Issue #72

[mistconduct]

[Chris, newly healed, is standing outside the Enclosure. He's looking characteristically excited, eyes gleaming]

Okay. Okay, just go with me on this.

What if this....

[He jerks his thumb back at the Enclosure's door]


....plus this?


[He brings a large box into view, holding it up in both hands.

It's Jumanji - the board game.]


Ten minutes. Get your shit and let's go.

That includes you, Omar.

Comments

[barewicked]

I can't believe I'm asking this, but that is just a piece of movie memorabilia, yeah?

[mistconduct]

Well, sure, for right now it is.

Take it into the room behind me, though, and you'll find out just how real this shit can get.

[barewicked]

I feel, in my heart, like maybe that's bullshit?

[BUT HE IS KIND OF CURIOUS THO]

Why does it only work in the room behind you?

[mistconduct]

You've never been in the Enclosure before? It makes shit real.

[barewicked]

You're messing me about. Does it work on anything?

[mistconduct]

Practically anything. You have to really tell it what you want, though.

[barewicked]

So right, just hypothetically, if I go into the enclosure with my cuddly toy lion, and specify that I want it to become real... do I get a free lion?

[mistconduct]

Theeeoretically. But you can't take it out of there.

Also do you really have a goddamn toy lion? What are you, five?

[Says the boy with the teddy bear]

[barewicked]

Said hypothetically, didn't I?

So, what if I took, like, a Darth Vader action figure in there, would I get real Darth Vader?

[mistconduct]

I don't think it does people.

[barewicked]

Have you tested it?

[YOU SHOULD TEST IT]

[mistconduct]

Dude, what? No. I don't want to accidentally make clones.

[barewicked]

You should take a Barbie in there.

[Yeah just gonna ignore your objection to this plan.]

See if it turns into a human girl, or into like, a weird elongated alien girl.

[mistconduct]

What the fuck is wrong with your brain.

[barewicked]

Mate, you're looking to unleash a bunch of fucking elephants, and giant wasps, and manhunters who look like your dad with this shit. I just want to make a few girls.

[mistconduct]

.....



Oh my god the fucking hunter was played by Robin Williams' dad! How the fuck did I not realize that?!

[barewicked]

Don't feel bad, mate, I never noticed at the time either. Only know now 'cause I saw it in a Cracked article.

[mistconduct]

Holy fuck. My entire life is a lie.

[barewicked]

Oh yeah, another of the mysteries of the universe unlocked, and you are welcome.

So, are you still gonna play it?

[mistconduct]

Oh yeah, I'm totally gonna play it, no contest.