mistconduct | Issue #72

Issue #72

[Chris, newly healed, is standing outside the Enclosure. He's looking characteristically excited, eyes gleaming]

Okay. Okay, just go with me on this.

What if this....

[He jerks his thumb back at the Enclosure's door]

....plus this?

[He brings a large box into view, holding it up in both hands.

It's Jumanji - the board game.]

Ten minutes. Get your shit and let's go.

That includes you, Omar.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

Practically anything. You have to really tell it what you want, though.

So right, just hypothetically, if I go into the enclosure with my cuddly toy lion, and specify that I want it to become real... do I get a free lion?

Theeeoretically. But you can't take it out of there.

Also do you really have a goddamn toy lion? What are you, five?

[Says the boy with the teddy bear]

Said hypothetically, didn't I?

So, what if I took, like, a Darth Vader action figure in there, would I get real Darth Vader?

I don't think it does people.

Have you tested it?

[YOU SHOULD TEST IT]

Dude, what? No. I don't want to accidentally make clones.

You should take a Barbie in there.

[Yeah just gonna ignore your objection to this plan.]

See if it turns into a human girl, or into like, a weird elongated alien girl.

What the fuck is wrong with your brain.

Mate, you're looking to unleash a bunch of fucking elephants, and giant wasps, and manhunters who look like your dad with this shit. I just want to make a few girls.