Issue #70

[mistconduct]

Fuck me, we're four days into March and the port messed up my goddamn March Madness spread!

Fuck it, fine. Obviously since I can't watch college basketball on the Barge, we make our own entertainment here.

Bets are currently open to be placed on all inmates. It's $5 to play, 5 spots for $20. First inmate you picked to graduate gets paid out.

All unpaired inmates are wild cards - if you bet on them and they're first to graduate, you win a date with Loki in addition to the whole kit and caboodle.

Here's some sample odds I've got running;

Mickey - 2:1
The Emperor - 2:1
Abigail - 3:1
Cass - 3:1
Mira - 5:1
Tig - 10:1
Jax - 10:1
Touko - 20:1
Sylvanas - 25:1
Jerry - 25:1
Dean - 40:1
Arthas - 50:1

...Hey, does anyone else feel like utter crap?

Comments

[mistconduct]

You suck and so does Ben. Ben's like the Miller Lite of Dean Winchester. He's Dean Lite.

Granted, she's a terrible actress, but she's adorable. It's like saying you wouldn't want to date Jennifer Lawrence.

[warisart]

I will not tolerate you badgering my inmate, Chris.

Period.

[mistconduct]

I'm not badgering her! I'm having a conversation. She contacted me.

God. Don't twist your panties about it.

[warisart]

My panties are not twisted. My complaint is legitimate.

Aim your casually condescending remarks at your own inmate if you like, but not at Abigail.

[mistconduct]

Dude, don't pick fights with me. Go back to whatever the fuck you were doing.

[warisart]

And do not continually attempt to dismiss your careless, irresponsible behavior as harmless.

[mistconduct]

Benny, if anyone took me seriously enough to get their feelings hurt, they really are not making much progress here.

[warisart]

Yes, certainly, continue to pass blame off on other people for your behavior instead of accepting it for yourself.

It's their fault, clearly. Not yours in any way. Why should you change?

[Sharp, vicious, precise. And then, snarled, the flash of teeth:]

My name is Ben.

[mistconduct]

Fine, Ben. Christ. Why do we even talk to each other if this is the way you're gonna be? Haven't you ever heard about not feeding the trolls?

[warisart]

And now your behavior is, somehow, my fault.

You are not a troll, and I am not feeding you. You are human and I am out of patience with your behavior as it applies to people that I care about and specifically people for whom I am responsible.

[mistconduct]

Grow a sense of humor, shithead.

[warisart]

No.

[versusnurture]

I'm sorry, have you met Ben? He's a thousand times more competent than you'll ever be.

Okay, but even if Loki turned into, like, Elena, he's still way too dangerous to go on a date with. He might poison something.

[mistconduct]

Yeah? Bullshit. I graduated an inmate. I did my job. He's still working on you.

....Yeah, that's fair. All right, maybe I'll neuter him before your date.

[versusnurture]

It was probably a fluke.

Is it cheating if I bet on myself?

[mistconduct]

Slevin wasn't a fluke. Slevin was a goddamn portrait of perfection.


No, you can bet on yourself.

[versusnurture]

Really? That guy? He seemed really messed up.

[She said ironically.]

You realize most of us don't have any money though, right?

[mistconduct]

Pot calling kettle. You be nice to Slevin, he rocked.

Well, what do you have?

[versusnurture]

Why? He's not here to hear it. Anyway, if he did, he'd probably laugh. Or smolder or something.

I have a crown I got last Christmas. But everyone got those. And I have a ruby, but I'm not betting with that.

[mistconduct]

My ex-inmate did not smolder.

Can you write?

[routemistress]

Oh come on, Muppetfucker, Slevin smoldered like a damp electric blanket with dodgy wiring and you know it.

[mistconduct]

Don't CALL me that, Iris!

And he's just. He was pretty. Why do I always get the pretty inmates?

[versusnurture]

He kind of did.

Of course I can write.

[mistconduct]

Okay. Write me a short piece of fanfiction involving someone on the Barge and I'll call that 5 bucks.

[versusnurture]

Fanfiction.

[Seriously.]