Issue #30

[mistconduct]

[Private to Barbara Gordon]

How do you take this shit, Barb? How the fuck do you keep going?


[Private to Infirmary Staff]

So what's the plan, Docs? I'm getting fucking bedsores. I want out.


[Private to Vesper]
Hey. Can we.

Look, pick up the phone. Just.

Can we talk?


[Later, public]

[He's still getting drugged every night, as much for his mental health as his physical. It's easier to get through the days when you're on a cocktail of anti-depressants.

This, however, has its disadvantages. Mainly that Chris is so exhausted that he sleeps through the night, unaware of his warden item beeping underneath the bed. The teddy bear - yes, his warden item is a slightly charred teddy - is recovered in the morning, still beeping, when Chris wakes up.

It's alarming, how he can go from sleepy and lackadaisical to fucking pissed in a single instant]


Who the FUCK killed Slevin?!

You assholes, I swear to FUCKING god, I will fucking come out of this bed and murder the shit out of you! Where the fuck is my inmate and who the fuck is responsible for this bullshit?! You think just because I'm in the infirmary doesn't mean I won't come there and murder you back, you utter shithead?!

Fuck. Someone get me a fucking wheelchair, or crutches, or whatever. Who saw him last?!

Jesus christ, you're a fucking pack of animals!


[After Slevin's been found]

Call off the search, his body turned up in the inmate showers.

Whoever did this; you're fucking dead. You hear me? You can't fucking run on a ship, dumbass. I'm coming for you.

Fuck everything.

Comments

[megamind]

... I could probably make one, yes, but I think helping you look for his body is a better idea.

Doesn't your warden item tell you where he is? Mine does with Aaron.

[mistconduct]

Are you serious? It does that?

[megamind]

Yes, it totally does. I can tell where Aaron is right now.

[mistconduct]

Son of a bitch.

[megamind]

So checks yours, where is he?

[mistconduct]

...Showers.

Fuck, he's in the inmate showers. Jesus fucking christ.

[megamind]

Ew.

Alright, I'll head up there right away. Stay put!

[mistconduct]

Hey, fucking hold up, you're not fucking going alone.

[megamind]

Well, you're not leaving the infirmary, and my right hand is passed out in the bed next to yours.

[mistconduct]

I've got like ten people searching already. Fucking take...Bond, or someone with you. Or the new kid, he's gotta get used to Barge shit if he wants to warden.

[megamind]

Is Rorschach out searching? Or--yeah, I can take the new kid. I've already crushed his soul, might as well take him to find a body.

[mistconduct]

Probably. He probably is and didn't tell anyone because he's an anti-social dick.

Go for it. It'll be good for him.

[megamind]

Yeah. Good for him. Stay put. I'll get him.

[private]

[megamind]

Found him.

[ And he's pale and fighting the urge to vomit. ]

He's-- I don't think this is Two-Face's work. Someone really... carved him up. I'm going to ping Bruce and maybe the Emperor? It's soaking down here, they'll need to get him the old fashioned way.

[private]

[mistconduct]

Jesus fucking christ, are you serious?!

Let me see him.

[private]

[megamind]

[ There's a pause, like Megamind's not sure about this-- and then focus on the damn body. ]

[ It's not a pretty sight. Wet, pruning, bloody -- chest open and on display, heart clearly visible. The look Chris gets is brief. ]

We need to get an idea of what did this. So I'm calling Dr. Banner, and we're going to bring him up and get him examined. Then you can request his resurrection and see what he knows about what happened.

[private]

[mistconduct]

[Chris' shoulders shake, before they eventually sag in defeat. That's a pretty pained expression of failure he's got on his face]

He's been fucking vivisected.

[private]

[megamind]

Yeah.

[ Megamind's voice is raw; it's a personal nightmare for him -- the things you tell little alien children will happen to them after they've watched E.T. or something else. ]

I don't think Two-Face did this.

[private]

[mistconduct]

No, he didn't. I don't know fucking anyone who'd do that. Even Creed doesn't play...fucking headgames.


Jesus christ I hope he was dead before they carved him open.

[private]

[megamind]

I -- man I need to brush up on my human anatomy-- There's-- I-- man I don'gt even know.

Look, I'll be up with Bruce and Scott and the body soon.

[private]

[mistconduct]

Yeah, people fucking need those parts to live. FYI.

God fucking damn it. Okay. Bring him up, put him in the bed next to mine. I'll ask the Admiral to revive him.

Should I wait for his parts to grow back or...what? Fuck, I've never brought anyone back before.

[private]

[megamind]

Me either, so -- I don't really know what to tell you. Ask Rorschach?

[private]

[mistconduct]

That'll go over well.

He's gonna growl at me for letting my inmate die on me.

[private]

[megamind]

No he won't.

And if he does, I'll deck him.

[private]

[mistconduct]

Don't deck him. There's been enough goddamn violence lately.