Issue #29

[mistconduct]

Sup, Barge assholes. I'm back.

It's been like a whole fucking year, so I'm not going to bore you with the immense amount of crap that went down in my world because oh, hey, come up to the infirmary and take a look. Everyone and their mom already has.

Speaking of moms, I have an issue of rebranding to announce. Red Mist is dead. Henceforce I am no longer Chris D'Amico, but wish instead to be addressed by my super name, The Motherfucker. It's going to be a while before I'm back in the costume but regardless of that, I want you all to call me The Motherfucker. It grows on you.

And speaking of that, informal poll time, fucking yes it's that time again!

On a scale of 1 to 5, Chris' new goatee is;
-Awesome.
-REALLY fucking awesome.
-Sculpted like Michaelangelo's David.
-Way better than Tony Stark's
-I haven't seen it; every time I turn to observe I'm blinded by the awesome.

Comments

[yeahscience]

So you're the Mother Bleeper. Good job. Well done.

[mistconduct]

Well, what are you that's so awesome?

[yeahscience]

I'm not trying to be a super hero.

[mistconduct]

You're a warden. That's kind of like a superhero. You're still saving people.

[yeahscience]

Yeah. I'm, uh, Captain Shop Teacher now. My street name days are over, yo.

[mistconduct]

Well, mine are just beginning. And I require to be called the Motherfucker.

[yeahscience]

Whatever, bitch.

So did you... you know...?

[mistconduct]

They're down. They're not out yet.

Round one went to me, round two went to them...score's tied until I can get back on my feet.

[yeahscience]

Sucks. At least it's a start, right?

You ever get in touch with...? [He doesn't sound too hopeful, though.]

[mistconduct]

I guess, yeah. At least they're all in jail now. But they can still do a fuckton of damage.

No luck. Sorry. I asked around, called some people. No one I know knows him.

[yeahscience]

[For a second he looks like he honestly might cry, but he just nods, and for once manages to rally himself. It's not like that's surprising news.]

What can I say? Dude's good at not being found when he doesn't want to. Sorry he couldn't, you know, help out with the whole... mafia drug lords... thing.

[mistconduct]

It's okay. It's my problem, not his.

...You okay?

[yeahscience]

Yeah. Yeah. [He takes a deep breath, recovers.] You need anything up there? I'm guessing as you didn't get my nachos.

[mistconduct]

I'm kind of in pieces right now, Jesse, sorry. Next time.

You go wolf yet?

[yeahscience]

Not yet. Lark figured maybe we should, like... lay low, for a while. [He shrugs, trying to mask his disappointment.] I get it, I guess. I mean, I freaked about Cat, too...

But whatever. It'll happen eventually.

[mistconduct]

Yeah. It'll happen. Lark keeps his promises.

I mean, I know it sucks that you're not turned yet, but in a way I'm kind of glad I got to be here to see it happen when it does.

[yeahscience]

Yeah. [He lets out a low laugh.] We'll have a pack party. [If he can figure out how to do that in a way appropriate for teenagers but not the kind of teenager he was.]

So whatever, man, fill me in. What happened? How long you laid up for?

[mistconduct]

Pack party sounds fucking awesome, man, not gonna lie.

Uh...long time. I dunno, they haven't given me a time frame yet. Basically, uh. Shit went down, and at first I was winning but then I lost. Pretty fucking badly.

[yeahscience]

Ah, geez. [His mouth twists sympathetically.] Like... death toll badly?

[mistconduct]

...Yeah. Sort of. It's that kind of level of fucked-up. Points to my family for fucking creativity.

[yeahscience]

[He's been through the death toll himself enough times that he's-- it's not exactly going through the motions, because it's sincere, but he's been there and he knows what it feels like, and he's rolling with it, nodding, still sympathetic, when what Chris is actually saying catches up with him and he flinches.]

Like... how... creative?

[mistconduct]

Like...It's going to be Christmas before I can walk again.

Word of advice, Jesse; don't cross the mob.

[yeahscience]

Jesus. [It catches him off-guard, that much is for sure. Not that he's any more afraid of the mob than, say, the cartels, or his ex-partner, but it's still pretty shocking, and before he can stop himself he blurts:] Can't you just--? [Reset, he's thinking. He's done it before. Not for himself, for Jane, but... still.]

[mistconduct]

They're like, literally off. The Emperor put them back on but it's some bullshit infection. All the veins went black.

[yeahscience]

They're-- [His legs, he realizes he means, and even though Chris is the one who's sick Jesse definitely looks a little pale. He swallows.] Yo, Chris, man... [He has absolutely no idea what to say to that, though. None. At all.]