Issue #29

[mistconduct]

Sup, Barge assholes. I'm back.

It's been like a whole fucking year, so I'm not going to bore you with the immense amount of crap that went down in my world because oh, hey, come up to the infirmary and take a look. Everyone and their mom already has.

Speaking of moms, I have an issue of rebranding to announce. Red Mist is dead. Henceforce I am no longer Chris D'Amico, but wish instead to be addressed by my super name, The Motherfucker. It's going to be a while before I'm back in the costume but regardless of that, I want you all to call me The Motherfucker. It grows on you.

And speaking of that, informal poll time, fucking yes it's that time again!

On a scale of 1 to 5, Chris' new goatee is;
-Awesome.
-REALLY fucking awesome.
-Sculpted like Michaelangelo's David.
-Way better than Tony Stark's
-I haven't seen it; every time I turn to observe I'm blinded by the awesome.

Comments

[yeahscience]

Ah, geez. [His mouth twists sympathetically.] Like... death toll badly?

[mistconduct]

...Yeah. Sort of. It's that kind of level of fucked-up. Points to my family for fucking creativity.

[yeahscience]

[He's been through the death toll himself enough times that he's-- it's not exactly going through the motions, because it's sincere, but he's been there and he knows what it feels like, and he's rolling with it, nodding, still sympathetic, when what Chris is actually saying catches up with him and he flinches.]

Like... how... creative?

[mistconduct]

Like...It's going to be Christmas before I can walk again.

Word of advice, Jesse; don't cross the mob.

[yeahscience]

Jesus. [It catches him off-guard, that much is for sure. Not that he's any more afraid of the mob than, say, the cartels, or his ex-partner, but it's still pretty shocking, and before he can stop himself he blurts:] Can't you just--? [Reset, he's thinking. He's done it before. Not for himself, for Jane, but... still.]

[mistconduct]

They're like, literally off. The Emperor put them back on but it's some bullshit infection. All the veins went black.

[yeahscience]

They're-- [His legs, he realizes he means, and even though Chris is the one who's sick Jesse definitely looks a little pale. He swallows.] Yo, Chris, man... [He has absolutely no idea what to say to that, though. None. At all.]

[mistconduct]

Yeah.


Fuck my family.

[yeahscience]

[There are things that could be done, he thinks, but in the same moment he realizes that he's not infirmary or smart enough to be infirmary and if there was something to be done they would have done it. He's never seen Claire's mojo not work before, but maybe it doesn't work like that, and he never bothered to ask what fixed Xavier or that other dude that used to have a limp because, frankly, he's never given a shit until right now. But Chris is different now, Chris is... for all that he might not have given a shit about him either even just a few weeks ago, Chris is part of the pack. And maybe it's actually much more important that Chris reached out to him when he was down. That Chris made himself a part of Jesse's life.

Jesse doesn't put much stock in real family anymore, or even Lark's nebulous concept of pack... but any family that chooses him, that's a bond he falls for quickly and deeply.

He takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, shakily, running his hands up over his buzzed hair and down over his face as he tries to think of just what the fuck to say in this situation. Everything he can think of comes up pretty stupid, but he tries anyway.]

Bright side, I mean, the shit people come up with with, like, robotics around here... you could probably just get yourself some kind of sick-ass custom-built hoversuit.

[mistconduct]

[Chris falls silent for a second, giving Jesse time to absorb what's just been relayed to him. It freaked him out, too, but he's had time to adjust and recover, and be in a place where he feels safe and warm and loved. It's a far cry from where he came from, and the Barge has ways of putting people back together.

Still, it...really, really sucks. He misses the mobility and the freedom and just feels like a completely useless person. It's a hard adjustment]

He cracks a tired grin at that, rolling his eyes]

Hoversuit? I'm not...goddamn M.O.D.O.K.

[yeahscience]

[He's a pretty big closet nerd, but that one goes over even his head. He squints briefly at him, but you know, not the point.]

What about... robot legs? You know, like, those runners who are so mad fast they can't even be in the Olympics 'cause they got, like, springs all in their robot joints and everything? [He may have misinterpreted that story.]

[mistconduct]

I'm pretty sure those were like an urban legend or something.

[He may in fact just be really, really dumb]

[yeahscience]

Uh, no, they were totally a real thing. I saw it when I was home last time.

[mistconduct]

Pretty sure you were high.

[yeahscience]

Hey, I'm clean, asshole. [Except oh, he really wasn't when he heard that story, he remembers belatedly; it had been in his house after Gale, when his house had been full of noise and light and crystal and that one tweaker douchebag jabbering in his ear about how the South Africans were going to take over the world with their rabbit legs.

He grimaces and looks away, disguising the movement by going for a cigarette.] Whatever. Point is, there's... stuff. Just, uh-- wait for someone from, like, Tattooine to show up and find out how they did up Luke's fake hand. That shit was mad lifelike, yo.

[mistconduct]

And that won't fuck with my world? I thought there was some sort of rule or whatever that you couldn't drag back weird tech. Or maybe I just heard someone make that up.

[yeahscience]

What is that, the Prime Directive?

[mistconduct]

...Maybe that's where I heard it from.

[yeahscience]

I mean, ain't that the whole point, anyway? Changing things? Bringing people back from the dead, undoing stuff that shouldn't have gone down the way it did... there's people bringing back whole cities and, like, planets and whatnot that weren't around a second ago, so like, who even gives a shit about some random asshole's legs?

[mistconduct]

Well, I mean, people are gonna want to know where I got them. I can't hide them forever.

Fuck, the government's probably gonna want to tax them.

[yeahscience]

[He wrinkles his nose.] Screw that. [Hey, his criminal days may be past him, but that doesn't mean he likes the feds now.]

[mistconduct]

Seriously. They'd yank them from me if I get them weaponized, too.

[yeahscience]

So just don't get caught, yo, that's the way to do it.

[mistconduct]

Easier said than done, my friend.

[yeahscience]

Oh, come on, dude. If you can hide being a criminal, you can hide robot legs.