mistconduct | Issue #9

[The chair, a spinny office-type chair, is even pretty close by, which is good, because Davros is a bit difficult to hear right now.]

[He nods.] Chris, then.

[Another thing to get used to.]

[He puts the book aside and devotes his analytical attention to the chocolate bunny.]

[Chris holds the bunny out to Davros to take, grinning. He can't help it. He's never gotten to see someone have their first taste of chocolate before]

Here. Give it a try.

[Davros carefully plucks said bunny from Chris' hand and examines it for a moment. It is certainly... a cheerful kind of object. He peels back the wrapper a bit and then breaks off a tiny piece. Places it in his mouth. A thoughtful look crosses his features.]

[He usually doesn't eat or drink and can go centuries without doing so. Compounded with that, his only remaining natural sense is taste, so it's pretty powerful. Had he eyes they would have gone wide. There is, however, an involuntary intake of breath and his brows go up.]

This is... rather potent....

[His face breaks out in a genuine grin, sitting back to watch]

Dude, I told you you'd love it.

[He snaps off another small piece and eats it.]

Something like this is... readily available to humans?

[...Which is Davros-ese for 'this is entirely too delicious to be legal.']

Oh, yeah, are you kidding me? Dude, this isn't even the good stuff, this is the cheap bullshit Americans get. You should see what the Germans make.

Somehow I doubt such a thing would be available to us on this ship.

[Canny, isn't he?]

[He chews on another small piece anyway.]

We must grasp what luxuries are available to us, I suppose. I am accustomed to extreme austerity but I understand there are many here who are not.

[Sure he knows this is true, but really feeling it is... still beyond him.]

[Still smirking, Chris reaches over to break off the rabbit tail, munching on it]

Chocolate isn't a luxury, it's a fucking human right.

You are not accustomed to scarcity, I take it.

Still, I find I cannot quite argue with this statement.

[He's sounding more and more mellow. Blimey.]

Oh, man, no. Not at all. Our family was loaded. This is the first place I've lived in where I didn't have my own bathroom, where I have to fucking eat in a lunchroom...sucks.

[He munches on the chocolate, grinning]

Drugs doing a number on you, huh?

[Maybe he should stop eating this stuff... Naaahhhh....]

This is... different. Though by no means unpleasant.

[A slight smile crosses his face.]

I can see why this substance is so popular.

Yeah, just take it easy. Don't make yourself sick.

I seriously can't believe you've never had chocolate before.

I am not human. We had no analogue on Skaro.

Though... if we had had an analogue to this... perhaps things would have turned out differently. It is difficult to feel negatively about anything at the moment....

I cannot help but wonder... are there universal constants of consumeables? Something that is the same between all sapient species? I heard a theory, once, that there was a drink seen among every species that resembles what humans call 'gin and tonic.' I... do believe we even had something like that on Skaro... yes, the Hjinn An-Toghnik. That is... fascinating to ponder, is it not? It has been quite some time, but I suppose I could simply go to the pub here and ask for a 'gin and tonic' and be given the exact same thing....

...Man, you are high.

... Am I?

Is that what this... euphoric sensation is?

Our physiologies are, indeed, very different. I would make a further study but since I am the only Kaled left in existence, it would have far too little data... and no control group... it would be very poor science, indeed....

[He puts down the chocolate before he eats any more of it and starts hallucinating.]

[Then picks it up again. And puts it down. Dear LORD, he is high.]

I find I cannot stop talking. That is most likely also expected, is it not? And... that amuses me....

Well, no, I think it's the chocolate doing that. It has endorphins or something.

...Seriously? You're the only one left?

I am, yes. My entire species has died out. I spent centuries in suspended animation only to be re-awakened and find that there are no Kaleds in the universe besides me.

[None of this is a lie, mind you.]

Of course, they are all now Daleks, so one could make the argument that they yet live, simply in a very different form.

[Don't ask him what a Dalek is, you'll be here all damn day.]

...Holy shit.

Holy shit, I'm sorry. Holy shit.

Issue #9

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AND HERE STARTS HIS CONVERSION TO GOOD... only not.

Chocolate. Who knew.

It's the little things in life.

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My apologies to Douglas Adams for this stupid joke.

never apologize for Douglas Adams

The world needs more Douglas Adams.

Oh, without a doubt

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