Issue #70

[mistconduct]

Fuck me, we're four days into March and the port messed up my goddamn March Madness spread!

Fuck it, fine. Obviously since I can't watch college basketball on the Barge, we make our own entertainment here.

Bets are currently open to be placed on all inmates. It's $5 to play, 5 spots for $20. First inmate you picked to graduate gets paid out.

All unpaired inmates are wild cards - if you bet on them and they're first to graduate, you win a date with Loki in addition to the whole kit and caboodle.

Here's some sample odds I've got running;

Mickey - 2:1
The Emperor - 2:1
Abigail - 3:1
Cass - 3:1
Mira - 5:1
Tig - 10:1
Jax - 10:1
Touko - 20:1
Sylvanas - 25:1
Jerry - 25:1
Dean - 40:1
Arthas - 50:1

...Hey, does anyone else feel like utter crap?

Comments

[mistconduct]

Bull fucking shit!

[fridgetothefire]

[The ice is still building up as she scrapes it away, not rapid but seemingly inexorable, growing from nowhere, until she strikes through a few of the equations, then peaceably rips the page into confetti.]

I don't bluff.

[And let that be a lesson to you.]

[mistconduct]

Dude! Anya, you have to teach me that!

[fridgetothefire]

...why would I?

[mistconduct]

Because I'm a baseline human! I need to know how to do magic!

[fridgetothefire]

No you don't need it.

I mean, I don't like you and I don't trust you, but I also think you're much more likely to die messy if you're trying to do ley-based trigonometry and multivariate calculus in the middle of a combat situation because magic just looks cool than if you focused on defending yourself in the ways you are already competent at.

And then Cassel and Riddick and Iris would be sad.

[mistconduct]

Aw. You think I'm competent? That's sweet, Anya, thanks.

Wait, why the fuck don't you like me?

[fridgetothefire]

Because you're a thoughtless asshole.

[mistconduct]

You cut me deep.

[fridgetothefire]

Tragically, no.

[mistconduct]

Being a thoughtless asshole's kind of my whole identity. Don't know if you realized.

[fridgetothefire]

I did.

[mistconduct]

...Seriously, though, it's just all for fun.

[fridgetothefire]

I know.

[Somehow, she manages to express withering contempt and deep gentleness at the same time.]

If you were hurting people on purpose, I might believe you could change.

[mistconduct]

The fuck?

Anya, come on. I'll stop, just don't be mad at me.

[fridgetothefire]

No, you won't. You don't even know why I want you to, because it's all fucking funny to you, because it doesn't even occur to you to think about what might not be funny for the people you're talking about.

[She sighs, and thumbs the base of the pale, heavy spike, emerging from her left temple.]

Chris, you don't like me. I'm the weird, bossy creep, remember?

[mistconduct]

....I never said I didn't like you.


Anya, I'm sorry. I just..do stupid shit once in a while for a laugh. I'm sorry.

[fridgetothefire]

[She makes a low noise of frustration in her throat, the hand at her forehead briefly covering the rest of her face, dragging down.]

Look, it's not. It's not that you do stupid shit, it's not even that you do outrageous stupid shit. You make a lot of people happy, being ridiculous. But you never think first. You don't notice which people aren't going to laugh. You never think - hey, maybe not one.

[mistconduct]

I can think. I'll think ahead.

Seriously, there are some things I don't screw around with. I thought this would be harmless.

[fridgetothefire]

Mostly it is. I bet, didn't I?

But I don't know how you can - be in the same space with Ben for two years and not. Notice that he's had to claw every bit of his own identity out from conditioning and abuse and -

[She gets that he's quiet. But Chris has been here long enough to see the change, to make too many robot jokes, how does he not know.]

For fuck's sake. You once told a kid it was his fault his mother died. How was that funny?

[mistconduct]

...I don't really know Ben all that well. He and me don't talk much.


It wasn't. It wasn't funny, you're right. It was dumb.

[fridgetothefire]

You also remind me of my brother. I realize that's not fair.

[mistconduct]

There are worse things to be than Quicksilver.

[fridgetothefire]

Than -

[She frowns for a moment, confusion and then comprehension and distaste. It wasn't a name he ever got the chance to adopt in her world, but she knows enough mutants to recognize what it must be. Pinched, dryly -]

I suppose there are a few.

[mistconduct]

Oh come on. Like you wouldn't want an awesome codename of your own.