mistconduct | Issue #70

Issue #70

Fuck me, we're four days into March and the port messed up my goddamn March Madness spread!

Fuck it, fine. Obviously since I can't watch college basketball on the Barge, we make our own entertainment here.

Bets are currently open to be placed on all inmates. It's $5 to play, 5 spots for $20. First inmate you picked to graduate gets paid out.

All unpaired inmates are wild cards - if you bet on them and they're first to graduate, you win a date with Loki in addition to the whole kit and caboodle.

Here's some sample odds I've got running;

Mickey - 2:1
The Emperor - 2:1
Abigail - 3:1
Cass - 3:1
Mira - 5:1
Tig - 10:1
Jax - 10:1
Touko - 20:1
Sylvanas - 25:1
Jerry - 25:1
Dean - 40:1
Arthas - 50:1

...Hey, does anyone else feel like utter crap?

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Well, I've never heard of you. Who the fuck is Lloyd?

What do you want, a life story?

[He's never heard of Chris either, although he thinks he should have been warned about a guy with possible brain damage.]

Who the fuck are you?

I'm Chris. The Motherfucker.

I'm a fucking superhero.

You sure are a super something, man.

[Like maybe delusional.]

Hey. I'm a warden. Show some respect.

I could, but I'd have to take you seriously first.

I could kick your ass if I wanted to.

[He's completely at a fucking loss. Is this a hazing thing?]

I can't tell if you're for fucking real, man.

If it's a comedy routine, you're being real convincing.

It'd be funnier if you actually cracked a smile.

I'm Chris.

[He doesn't crack a smile, but he does look like he's coming up with a hell of a headache.]

Yeah, I got that. Motherfucking Chris.

[Or something like that.]

So is this just how you roll, Chris? You start all of your conversations by insulting people?

Chris the Motherfucker, but you were close.

What? No. I'm not insulting anyone. Jesus, unclench.

You called me a fuckin' amateur, man.

...okay, maybe that wasn't exactly fair. You're a newbie.

[Lloyd is briefly unsure whether he ought to stay annoyed, just on general fucking principle. But he tends to cool off quickly enough, and Chris seems to be giving his mouth a break, at least. Lloyd would prefer it if Letty didn't have reason to step on his face, or whatever it was she had planned.]

Yeah.

[As in yeah, it wasn't exactly fair, and yeah, he is new.]

Guess that makes me one of your wild cards.

...Guess so.

You, uhm.

You wanna place a bet?

Naw, I don't have any money. We weren't really using it anymore, where I'm from.

Fully on the credit card circuit?

Fully on the end of the world circuit. Money just doesn't mean jack shit anymore.

Shit. You're an Apocalypse baby. That sucks.

[He gives a little snort at 'apocalypse baby'. That sounds like a dumb song name or something.]

No, it wasn't like I was born to a world gone to shit. The superflu happened... I guess it was something like five, six months ago. My time.

[Because Barge time makes no fucking sense.]

Oh. So Pandemic.

Fuck. So who's left?

Just us lucky ones who were immune. And who managed to survive all the other crap that was going on, like the army going batshit. [Or starvation. The army he heard second-hand about.] Something like one in a thousand people.

And if you want a more up to date number, then you'll have to knock off a few more thousands. All the people who were in Las Vegas when a nuke went off. That's where I was.

[So nobody Lloyd gives a fuck about, that's who's left.]

Wow.

That's amazingly shitty luck. Who cares about bombing Las Vegas? There's nothing valuable there.

[There's a flicker of annoyance on Lloyd's face, although he get, a moment later, what Chris means to say -- that it makes no strategic sense to bomb the Las Vegas of before the flu. Lloyd could explain what Las Vegas ended up being, but he'd rather not, because the closer he gets to that topic, the worse his mood gets, and his patience is already worn a little thin at the moment, thanks to how the conversation started.]

There was, but there sure as fuck isn't anymore.

[His tone is real dry, but not quite dry enough to cover up the bitterness underneath.]

You ain't wrong, though, it was really shitty luck. So I guess I shouldn't be laying down any bets anytime soon. I'd probably jinx whoever I bet on.

Shit.

That's fair. Had any runs of shit luck since you showed up here?

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babyfacedkiller - 2015-03-13 21:13 (UTC) - Expand

(no subject)

mistconduct - 2015-03-15 01:40 (UTC) - Expand

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