Issue #70

[mistconduct]

Fuck me, we're four days into March and the port messed up my goddamn March Madness spread!

Fuck it, fine. Obviously since I can't watch college basketball on the Barge, we make our own entertainment here.

Bets are currently open to be placed on all inmates. It's $5 to play, 5 spots for $20. First inmate you picked to graduate gets paid out.

All unpaired inmates are wild cards - if you bet on them and they're first to graduate, you win a date with Loki in addition to the whole kit and caboodle.

Here's some sample odds I've got running;

Mickey - 2:1
The Emperor - 2:1
Abigail - 3:1
Cass - 3:1
Mira - 5:1
Tig - 10:1
Jax - 10:1
Touko - 20:1
Sylvanas - 25:1
Jerry - 25:1
Dean - 40:1
Arthas - 50:1

...Hey, does anyone else feel like utter crap?

Comments

[tucky]

Don't got anything to bet with, so no.

Why don't you take a nap?

[mistconduct]

Come on. Everyone has something to bet with. What do you do?

Because naps don't seem to help. I can't get comfortable.

[tucky]

You mean for a job? I work in the infirmary.

You sick or something?

[mistconduct]

No, I mean. What's your talent?

Probably.

[tucky]

I don't know. I don't think I have a talent.

[mistconduct]

Shit. Nothing?

[tucky]

... Well, maybe I have one and I just don't know about it yet.

[mistconduct]

It better not be shooting ping-pong balls out of your lady bits. Because I think Iris can already do that.

[tucky]

[W...hat.]

No. I know I cannot do that.

[mistconduct]

Too bad. Would've given you credit on that alone.

[tucky]

I can lie if you want.

[mistconduct]

Nope. Cat's already out of the bag, sorry.

[tucky]

That was a joke.

I work in the infirmary. Maybe I got a talent for healing people.

[mistconduct]

Or maybe you know where the good drugs are.

[tucky]

You asking me to steal drugs for you?

[mistconduct]

No. Don't do that. That would be encouraging bad behavior.

[tucky]

I wasn't planning to; I was just surprised you asked. Were you kidding around, or being serious?

[mistconduct]

I was kidding. Don't raid the medicine cabinet, you'll lose your job. And also maybe your hands.

[tucky]

My hands?

[She's taking that comment 100% seriously, bro.]

I wasn't planning to; I ain't a thief. And I don't really do drugs anymore, either. Or piss of wardens.

[mistconduct]

That makes you smarter than about 95% of the people here.

[tucky]

You guys can score good shit for the people you like and do bad things to the people you don't like. Why wouldn't I try to stay on your good sides?

And you're all real nice and fair, so it ain't like it's some big sacrifice.

[mistconduct]

Tell that to Arthas, I'm still trying to figure out his deal. Finally, someone who appreciates my massive talent.

[tucky]

It's their fucking loss if they don't wanna behave and keep getting thrown in Zero all the time, as far as I'm concerned.

[mistconduct]

Fair enough.