Issue #61

[mistconduct]

[Standing in Slevin's cabin is Chris, looking around his inmate's room, skeptical and full of doubt.

There's a door there that wasn't there previously.

Giving a suspicious look to it - who's to say Slevin didn't just get maintenance to prank him? - Chris walks over and opens the door.

Well, would you look at that.]


[The camera shuts off. Fifteen minutes later, Chris is standing in the middle of Slevin's bathroom, a boombox at his feet. He points to the camera, then back at himself. The boombox starts blasting out the ultimate 90s, MC Hammer hit single, U Can't Touch This.

In Slevin's bathroom, Chris starts doing the hammer dance. ]

My-my-my-my music keeps me so hard makes me say oh my Lord
Thank you for blessing me with a mind to rhyme and two hype feet
That's good when you know you're down
A super dope homeboy from the Oaktown
And I'm known as such
And this is a beat - uh - you can't touch

[You know that terrible dance move when a person grabs one of their ankles from behind, puts their spare hand to the back of their neck and shuffles around in a wild spasm?

Yeah. Chris is doing that. Except he misjudges the pressure put on his leg, pops the prosthetic out of place, and falls over.]

Comments

[notsoneedy]

Guess you must be, because you sure can't be the fashion police.

Or the "lame white boy dancing" police.

[mistconduct]

Hey. Hey. Don't knock my sick moves.

[notsoneedy]

Oh. They're sick all right.

So what's Slevin going to do now? Is he leaving?

[mistconduct]

Yeah, he's leaving. Gonna go back to his girlfriend and make lots of babies and name them all after me.

[notsoneedy]

No kid deserves that. Let alone a lot of them.

But I'm happy for him. That he's ready and he gets to leave.

[mistconduct]

They totally deserve it. Smartasses.

Yeah, I'm happy too. He deserves a life.

[notsoneedy]

[And that innocuous statement suddenly makes her change her tune.]

Do you really think that? That -- that's something someone can deserve?

Even after they've screwed up?

[mistconduct]

Uh, yeah? That's what life's for. You make mistakes or screw up and then you get over it.

[notsoneedy]

Not everybody gets over it.

[mistconduct]

Time, therapy, and beer.

[notsoneedy]

That makes it...dull. Or fade. Or helps you push it down. But sometimes, when something leaves a mark, then it leaves a fucking mark. There's not anything you can do about it.

[mistconduct]

Jesus christ, is it Philosophizing o'Clock and no one told me?