Issue #27

[mistconduct]

Hey inmates and other wretched villainy of mankind and shit, I'm going home in like five days. What the fuck can I pick up for people?

I don't know if any of you knew this but my family is loaded. So seriously, give me a list and think of me as your hook-up guy. You name it, I can get it.

Except drugs or weapons because while I can totally manage it, that's the sort of shit that gets me demoted and makes Rorschach break my thumbs, so yeah, I don't love any of you all that much.

Fucking pass me those Post-Its. And if I don't see you before then, um.

Wish me luck?

Comments

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Wow, nosy. Do I look at your grocery list?

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

Well you'd damn well better if you're offering to bring shit back.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Okay, hand it over, smartass.

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

They're not for cooking, by the way.

You won't find 'em at a grocery store. And don't get 'em all together at the same place. Or whoever you have get 'em for you.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

This is going to be something stupid and complicated, isn't it?

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

No. You just don't want the people you'll have to get some of this from to know you're getting all of it at the same time.

I don't want it for anything destructive, but they get real tetchy about it, especially if you're a white dude.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Aw, dude, you're going to make me go to like three different malls?

And what's this racist bullshit?

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

Sorry. Believe me when I say that's the easiest way to do it.

Don't look at me - I'm a white dude, too. I wish voodoo were less a racial thing. It would make my job one helluva lot easier.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Who the fuck would you use voodoo on, here?

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

No one. That's why you can't get it all at one place.

You know a lot of it is actually about protection too, right?

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

...For real?

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

Yeah. Think about it: it was a religion brought over by slaves, who for some reason, despite having this dark and mysterious magic that they could use to curse and hurt others, took a long damn time to take their freedom back despite outnumbering those assholes at least two to one.

Voodoo is focused more on healing and protection, not hexing and cursing. That's just what most people know because that's what people in power who were doing shitty things were afraid of.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Hey. Hey. "Dark magic" is a racist term.

But yeah I'll get your voodoo shit.

Re: [ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

Hey, I don't write the dictionary, I just look up the words, right?

You're a scholar and a gentleman. Or at least not a total dick.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

You're welcome. Just give me something nice for my birthday.

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

I thought your family was loaded?

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Something nice doesn't have to equal something expensive, genius.

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

How about this: I won't call you cupcake all day that day.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

You shouldn't be calling me that anyway.

One week.

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

I shouldn't do a lot of things, but that's never stopped me before.

Birthday.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Jesus christ, Dean. Give a guy a break.

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

You'd think I didn't like you anymore if I did that.

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

I have my suspicions already.

[ Private ]

[surfaceshine]

Hey, I said anymore, didn't I?

[ Private ]

[mistconduct]

Well, whatever, smartass. I like you too.